


All I See Is You

by casstayinmyass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Being blind, Bisexual Dean, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blind Castiel, Blind Character, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Castiel Plays the Piano, Coma, Cute romance, F/M, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Castiel, Getting to Know Each Other, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Mary is in a coma, Masturbation, Mentions of Abusive Relationships, References to Drugs, Scars, Self-Pity, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Top Dean, bad relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4596339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean meets Castiel at a piano bar and takes him home, only for the night. Four years later, he runs into him again... only Cas has changed just a little. Can they attempt an actual relationship, or will insecurities and secrets buried for years catch up with them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester had only been in love with two people in his entire life, or the twenty nine years of it he had lived so far. The first was a woman named Lisa Braeden, when he was twenty three; they had met on the street, Nicholas Sparks style- you know, where she drops her papers and he picks them up?

They started dating. For a while, Dean forgot all about every crush he ever had, and he began to believe she was the one he could start a life with- whatever that meant. Yes, he began to believe it with every fibre of his being… until that one hot, August night when Dean came home from a grocery run to find Lisa and the air-conditioning installation guy in flagrante dilecto. (Basically put, very naked.)

It started as a romance movie, and it sorta ended like a bad comedy, except the joke was on Dean. It was hard on him for a while, but when he started getting out again, he realized she hadn't even been worth it. He knew the right person was waiting for him.

Which brings us to the second person he had ever loved- a man by the name of Castiel Novak. It all started one rainy night in a piano bar on New Years Eve, when he was twenty five.

___________________________________________________________

Dean was bisexual, so obviously, women and men alike floated his boat. But this guy was something else… man, he had the bluest eyes Dean had ever seen, eyes that almost made him forget how good looking the rest of him was. Speaking of the rest of him, Dean was quick to notice how nice the guy's arms were. They weren't overly muscley, but had just enough to make him look masculine. His hair was ruffled and dark, Dean couldn't tell if there was any product in it or if he just had natural just-been-fucked locks.

To be honest, he didn't care. All he cared about was starting up a conversation, because he (and his dick) hadn't been this interested in someone since… well, yeah. He knew the guy may not swing his way, but that's something you gotta be prepared for. No harm in trying.

He started over to where he was seated at the piano, taking a break before his next song.

"You're real talented," Dean grinned, plunking himself next to the stage. The man looked a little startled, and his eyes flickered from the sheets in front of him down to the stranger who had begun to speak. "Oh! Oh, thank you. I… I've been playing since college, so I suppose I've had enough practice to at least earn me a few whistles."

Dean smiled. "Where'd you go to college?" "Julliard," the man answered, smiling back. Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Holy shit." The guy laughed. "Heh. Yeah, it's no big deal really. I just really wanted to go, 'cause music's been a big part of my life since I was a kid… I guess I got my wish."

Dean nodded.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to totally tell you my whole story there, I know you're probably not interested," the man blushed, organizing his papers. "No! I mean, I am. I was the one who approached you, remember?" Dean smirked. The guy smiled. "I guess. I'm Castiel Novak, by the way. It's good to meet you…?" "Dean," Dean answered, shaking his hand, "Dean Winchester. Did anybody ever tell you you've got the bluest eyes they've ever seen?"

Dean held back his cringe, hoping that cheesy line would work. Thankfully, Castiel blushed again. "That's very kind of you to say. Your eyes are very beautiful as well. I mean- god, did I just say that? Not smooth, Novak… you see, this is why I play piano instead of doing stand-up like my brother."

Dean chuckled, eyes crinkling. "You're good, really. But dude, my eyes aren't anything special." "Oh, I don't know... they're very green, and normally, when you see green, it's more of a toned down shade… your eyes are radiant, like emeralds. Of course, that sounds like just about the sappiest Harlequinn romance novel ever. Not that I would know, of course."

Dean laughed now. "It seems we get our material from the same source! We already have one thing in common." Castiel smiled. "I suppose we do." Dean swallowed, and took a sip of his beer. "Hey, you done soon?" "I'm done after this next round. Why do you ask?" "Well, I was wondering if I could buy you a drink? Maybe you could tell me a little more about Julliard or somethin'?" Dean grinned.

Castiel looked at him, and licked over his lips slowly, before opening his mouth. "May I suggest something better?" Dean blinked once. "Uh… sure." "I'd like very much to go back to your place." Dean almost choked. "Um…. you sure? You don't even know me, hardly." "I know enough. I know you care enough to stick around and listen to me for two minutes of the most socially awkward guy ever, and I know that you're very attractive and I want to sleep with you."

Dean opened and closed his mouth. Then he nodded quickly, because this was- while not at all what he was expecting- the best thing that had happened to him all day.

After the big countdown to New Years, and after the fireworks and confetti of midnight's awaited arrival, the two found each other again, Cas grabbed his trench coat, and Dean led the way to the door.

They got into his car, driving as quickly as they could back to Dean's place. He had been renting an apartment, as his brother was at law school.

The minute the car was parked, Castiel's mouth was on Dean's, his nimble fingers grasping at the thick material of Dean's leather jacket with his other hand trailing through Dean's short hair. Dean laughed a little through the kiss. "We're still in the car, y'know."

Cas smiled a little, and broke away only for a moment as Dean excitedly rushed to the door, fumbling with his keys to let them in. He sure did love the adrenaline of nights like these.

"This is your place?" Castiel asked, looking around for a moment. "Yeah… sorry about the mess and stuff, I wasn't exp-oof!" He was cut off by Cas knocking him against a wall, pressing their lips together again. "Easy, tiger," Dean grinned, taking control of Castiel's arms and pinning them above him as he flipped them around. Cas moaned a little, and Dean captured his mouth as their moistened lips parted and connected, tongues mingling in the middle.

Dean blindly led them backward, making a grab for the doorknob of his bedroom, which was thankfully open. They fell onto the comfy mattress, Castiel on his back against the pillows. Dean fell on top of him, a predatory look in his eyes as he shifted down, crawling up toward Castiel's mouth to kiss him again. He took a moment to revel in how beautiful he looked like this… he was shaking and his mouth was open wide, hair slicked back with a thin matt of sweat. His pale chest was heaving, or what little of it he could see through his cotton button down, and Dean pressed a kiss to each of his nipples through the thin clothing, making him writhe even further.

Cas tugged at Dean's jacket again, wordlessly signifying too much clothing, and so Dean sat on his knees for a second, shrugging his jacket off and yanking his t-shirt off of himself and tossing it aside.

Castiel stared up at him with lust-blown eyes, hands carefully reaching forward to undo Dean's jeans. The clasp came apart, and he unzipped them, Dean doing the rest of the work by kicking them off to join his shirt.

Cas unbuttoned his shirt and Dean helped him wriggle out of it, the warm breath over his chest making Castiel's nipples pebble out of pure, insatiable arousal. Dean unbuckled Cas' belt, and shimmied his pants off, Castiel helping by arching off the bed. When they were both in their briefs, Dean lowered down again, feeling Castiel's hardness press up into his inner thigh. He shuddered, dragging his own stiff cock against the other man's, making them both moan as the friction became a rhythm.

"Dean…" Castiel groaned, pushing his hard cock upward against Dean's stomach. "You ever been fucked for real before?" Dean asked softly. Castiel nodded. "Once. But I'm too horny for that now… just make me come like this, I don't care…. I just need you to touch me, Dean…" Dean swallowed for air, nudging his nose along Castiel's jaw line, making the man underneath moan a little more and expose his neck.

Cas reached between them, and pushed the elastic of Dean's briefs down, allowing Dean's cock to smack up against his stomach. Dean hissed a little as Castiel took him in his hand, using the pre-cum to slick him before pumping up and down, twisting the head.

Dean returned the favour, reaching into Castiel's underwear to take him out, brushing against his balls as he did so and making Castiel whine softly. "Please… please, do it harder," Cas mumbled, head pressing back into the pillows. Dean started to jack him off, mouthing kisses along his neck as he did so, revelling in every little noise Cas made. Soon, he took his own dick as well and began to pump them together, making Castiel moan louder, feeling him rut into his hand as he clawed at the sheets.

"Dean… Dean, I- oh, it's… oh it feels so good." "So good, Cas… you're amazing… you gonna come for me, huh? You gonna come for me, let me hear you? Open those eyes for me… lemmee see you come, baby." Castiel's eyes opened, searching Dean's determined gaze, the man on top focused on making them come together. He could already feel Cas throbbing in his hand, against his own dick.

"Dean… D-Dean!" Castiel cried, biting his lip as his hands flew to Dean's shoulders, rubbing and clawing and pinching and digging into his biceps, moving back to his shoulders as Dean continued to push their cocks together, squeezing them and grunting.

"I'm going to… Dean, I have to-" "Come, Cas, come on… Let go, baby… yeah, that's it, come for me." Dean watched as Castiel's crystal blue eyes slid shut in utter bliss, feeling the warm gush as ribbons of come shot out onto his chest. As he watched Castiel convulse under him, he glanced down at his come-covered stomach, and that was it. He let out a moan as well, orgasming hard with him.

After their feverish thrusting against each other had become slow, gentle rocks of their hips, drawing out whatever was left of their explosive climaxes, they slumped back into the sheets, Dean wiping his brow with the back of his forearm. "Wow," he breathed, looking over to Cas, who looked back. "I wholeheartedly agree," Castiel laughed, and Dean smirked a little, throwing an arm around the other man as he used the other one to wipe his stomach off.

"That was… so good," Cas breathed in between heaves, chest rising and falling. "It was pretty awesome, huh?" Dean grinned.

They lay in silence for a while, Dean daring to run a hand up and down Castiel's leg. "You know what I want to do someday?" Cas asked, and Dean shifted to look at him. "What?" "See the Eiffel Tower," Cas mumbled back, a hazy smile gracing his features. "Why?" Dean asked, face twisting. Cas scowled playfully. "Because it's beautiful, that's why." "Why are you telling me this?" "I don't know… I just… thought of it." Dean smiled, and Cas sighed contentedly.

"Thank you, Dean… you see, I can tell when someone's good in bed," Cas said, poking Dean's ribcage. "Yeah? How's that?" "I don't know… it's just… something in their eyes," Cas smiled, pupils trained on his bed partner in search of some unanswered question.

-0-0-0-

Now, four years later, Dean was alone, with only two true loves and a long list of one-night's stands on his resume. He didn't feel sorry for himself- sure he got lonely sometimes, but nothing a little Skype chat with Sammy or re-runs of Doctor Sexy can't fix.

Tonight, he was in the midst of the former, all the while eating fast food take-out.

"Why are you eating that crap?" Sam was asking, scowling in disgust over his webcam, "You're a freaking fry-cook!" Dean scowled right back. "You wouldn't know a good burger if it bit you in the ass, bitch." "Yeah, maybe that's 'cause I'm a vegetarian, jerk!" "Since when?!" "Since 10th grade!" "Yeah… whatever."

Sam huffed a laugh. "So… meet anybody lately?" "Shut the hell up, OK Cupid, or I will cut your hair next Christmas dinner!" "You try it, I'll kill you!" "Then I'll just come right back and haunt your ass until you get a good haircut." Sam stroked his hair protectively, and smirked a little. "So I take it that's a no?" "No, alright?" "Look, I'm not being pushy, Dean-" "Then shut up about it!" "Hey, it's not my fault you're getting into your twilight years!"

Dean had to physically stare into the camera for that one. "My fucking twilight years? Dude, I am twenty fucking nine, I'm not senile just yet, thanks!" Sam had to hold his Stanford shirt clad chest he was laughing so hard. "I don't know, man, three decades is a hell of an age!" "Minus one year," Dean grumbled.

"Dean, even Sam's got someone," Jess called from the back, and Dean sighed, not knowing she was even there, "That's saying something." "Yeah, yeah," Dean waved, "Maybe I'm happy like this! Maybe I like a place to myself, having no one to boss me around. Ever think of that, smart-asses?" "What a stupid excuse," Sam teased.

"You're such a little shit-disturber, you know that?" Dean shook his head, "Mom would've been just exhausted dealin' with you." Their mom was still alive, but barely. She was in a coma, in the hospital, had been for nine years now after a house fire. Their dad had been in the Marines, and had died a long time ago in a backfire accident.

Sam's grin faded to a smile. "Yeah… but she would've been the one who'd bring you cookies on your birthday, not us. Now we've got this huge responsibility on our shoulders-" "Oh, yeah, complain about having to bake for your poor, lonely brother!" Dean grinned, clutching his heart, "You make me weep, Sammy, you do!"

Sam laughed. "I gotta go, you dick, I've got exams to study for." "Alright, catch ya later, bro," Dean smiled, and Sam smiled back. "See you, Dean." "Bye Dean!" Jess called, and Dean waved, shutting the lid of his laptop.

He was in no rush to find someone. Yeah, he had had many one night encounters over the time spent alone… there was Lydia. She was pretty, but not really his type in the end. Then there was Gordon, that dickbag closet case. Benny was alright, did a good job of turning Dean on, but he had to move back to Louisiana for his job. Cassie was a good lay, kind of rough, which Dean was fine with. Then there were others, but sometimes, they were just faceless to him.

He had had only two real shots at love, both of which were blown. Lisa had cheated on him… which, whatever, he seriously didn't care about her anymore. But the second time, Castiel… he still thought about him sometimes. The guy just seemed so open, so honest about what he wanted. Sometimes, Dean wished he could be more like that.

But it had been his own choice to leave early that next morning with no note, hoping in fear he would be gone when he got home that afternoon. And he was.

As much as he liked to deny it, the first time scared him into believing good things were impossible. He couldn't have any good things, because they would just turn on their heads for him… needless to say, there went that one, and he hadn't found anyone since.

He fell asleep on the couch that evening, not even making it to turning off the TV.

-0-0-0-

Dean jolted awake, hearing his alarm go off. He reached for it, groaning as he did so. Finally, he found his phone, and shut it off, tossing it over onto the other side of his couch in a huff. Then he realized it was Saturday, and he didn't have to go to work at the restaurant.

"Thank you," he muttered into a pillow, smiling a little as he settled back in. He woke up about an hour later, humming to himself as he got out some pans. Then he thought twice- it was Saturday; why not go for some food instead of making it? He made food all the time, now was a chance to sit back and let somebody else do all the work.

So he grabbed his jacket, continuing to hum as he walked down to his favourite breakfast place, where he ordered eggs, hash-browns, and a side of bacon with double-double coffee.

He sighed, smiling into his cup as he took a sip, eating his food leisurely and enjoying the relaxing weekend morning. Just as he was finishing his last bite of bacon, he caught a glimpse of someone walking by the window. He frowned, immediately sitting up dead straight.

"No… can't be," he muttered, and his eyes widened. He tossed a few bills down onto the table, calling, "Thanks," as he ran out the door, following the person he had just seen.

A beige trench coat weaved its way through a few people, and Dean tried to catch up. He saw that he was holding something, but he couldn't make out what through the people in front of him.

"Cas?!" he called, and suddenly, the man stopped, picking up whatever it was he was holding and tucking it away into his coat. He then turned, looking more than a little nervous, and mumbled, "Dean?"

Dean grinned. "My god! I… I never thought I'd see you again!" "I… Nor did I," Cas smiled back. "Hey, smart idea with the sunglasses," Dean said, nudging him, "Today's brighter than I thought it would be, but when I'm hungry, I don't really think, I guess," he grinned. Cas laughed a little back, and Dean asked, "You walking this way?"

Cas nodded after a brief hesitation, and Dean held his grin, joining him. "Dude, I can't get over seeing you again!" he said, and Cas smiled. "It is miraculous."

Dean suddenly remembered how they had left off. "Um… hey, I'm sorry how it… uh, how we…" "No, it's fine," Cas reassured, leading them to sit down on a park bench as he kicked his leg out a little to nudge the bench, "I don't mind. We were both younger than we are now, and I think we were both looking for more of a fling than a relationship." Dean nodded slowly. "Okay… yeah, I guess we were."

Cas turned to him, and smiled. "So, what have you been up to these past four years?" "Nothin' much, just working. Got a job in a kitchen as a fry cook, that's about it for change for me." "Congratulations, Dean." "Yeah, thanks, man! How 'bout you, how's the whole piano thing going? You a big star yet?" Castiel's smile seemed to flicker a little, then it came back. "No, not exactly. I… became a teacher. At a centre for… a music centre, I teach kids how to play piano."

"Dude, that's awesome," Dean said, patting him on the shoulder, "That's truly something. Those kids are damn lucky to be learning from someone like you." Castiel swallowed, and smiled again in thanks. Then he looked down, and started to get up.

"Um, well, it's been nice seeing you again, Dean… but I have to be getting somewhere." Dean's face fell. "Oh… okay. Uh, do you… I mean, is that it? Or… I don't know, would you… um, want to have dinner sometime, or-" "I'd love to, but I really can't," Cas answered, looking down still, "I'm very busy."

Dean closed his mouth. So maybe he was still mad about the way that night ended, or maybe he was seeing someone else. He nodded, trying not to look hurt. "Yeah. Yeah, of course! No worries. Um, good seeing you again, huh?" "Yes, it most definitely was," Castiel nodded, smiling briefly before turning.

Dean watched him from the bench, crossing the park in straight strides. A billion different scenarios played through his head of what he could've done, said differently there, or maybe what he could've done differently that night, or not done…

He let out a sigh, feeling that loneliness creep back. Maybe Cas had found someone. I mean, they had only had a one night's stand, four friggin' years ago. It's not like the dude was going to hold out to find him again. If Cas was leaving now, Dean really saw no hope for his own future with anybody.

Just as Dean was about to get up and head back to his apartment, he saw something. A golden retriever was headed straight for Cas, running to catch a ball rolling in the grass. Dean smirked a little, watching the dog. He hadn't always been a big dog person, but he had to admit, this one was pretty cute.

He kept watching, expecting Cas to take a glance down at it, maybe step out of the way. But he wasn't moving, and the dog was still running.

Dean frowned, standing up. He wanted to call out for Cas to move, but it wasn't like a dog chasing a ball was a big threat. He watched, but Cas still wasn't moving, and Dean saw right up until the last second, when the dog ran into Cas, sending him flying over into the grass.

Dean breathed out, running over. "Cas… Cas, you okay? Why didn't you get out of the way?! You saw that retriever coming, didn't you?" He stopped as he watched the man on the ground, his sunglasses about two feet away from him to the left. They had obviously been knocked from his face when he fell.

Dean continued to watch as Cas reached out a shaky hand, feeling around the grass for them as he muttered a quiet, "dammit…"- and suddenly it hit Dean. It hit him so hard his head spun.

"Cas?" he asked softly, his voice wavering a little, "You're…" He picked up the sunglasses, handing them to him, and Cas sighed, standing up. "Yes, Dean… I'm blind."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean heard a woman shouting apologies, and he just waved, signifying they were okay. He then felt his mouth dry a little. "B-but…" "I didn't want you to know," Cas said, looking away, "That's why I tried to leave. That's why I said no. I didn't want you to know I couldn't see anymore, I wanted you to remember me as that handsome, talented man you knew." "Cas, you're still handsome," Dean frowned, "You're damn handsome. Why would being blind change that?" Castiel looked down, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his shortened walking stick.

So that's what he had been carrying before.

Dean watched him extend it. "Dean, nobody wants to be with a blind person, trust me. I… I know my way around, of course, but it's… it's weird." Dean stayed silent. "I'm ashamed. I really wish you hadn't figured it out, but… here I am, blind as a bat, and you're probably feeling sorry for me. I can't go for dinner with you out of sympathy, Dean. It won't go anywhere. Not anymore."

"Now wait just a second," Dean said, walking after him, "I don't feel sorry for you! I feel sorry that one, you think I'm that superficial, and two, that you think you're any less amazing as the last brief time I got to spend with you! Stop… walking, dammit…" "Dean, I've been through this with countless other guys. It's always, 'I don't care if you're blind!' and then, the next day, they leave, just like you did." Dean felt a pang of regret stab at him, and Castiel went on.

"Little do they know, I can trace facial features during sex, and I can tell just how ugly they are. Talk about users." Dean raised an eyebrow. "Dude, how many?" Castiel was silent. "About thirty. Don't worry, I didn't let many of them… well, none got past a handjob… but I was safe. Dean, don't look at me like that!" "What?! You're blind, how the hell can you-" "Because I know. Trust me, I was safe. Why should you care anyway? You left the morning after, presumably never to see me again!"

Dean exhaled. "I thought you said you didn't care… we were young, and all that." "Yeah… I guess I just got lost in that whole, your eyes are the doorways to your soul thing. I thought you were someone who really wanted to find…" "I do! Look, Cas, I was scared. I was so scared, and obviously stupid. That sounds like an excuse, but it's all I can say. Please let me try again. I couldn't care less if you could see, or not, or you were deaf, or couldn't speak, I don't fucking care! From what little time I got to spend with you, I know that I want to get to know you better."

Castiel spent a long time thinking, then he looked at Dean. "For sure?" "For sure, for sure," Dean answered, exhaling in exasperation. Cas smiled a little. "Are your eyes still green? Do you still look the same?" "No, I got sex reassignment surgery, became a Playboy Bunny, and I'm wearing purple contacts."

Castiel stopped short, and Dean laughed, slapping him on the back. "Of course I look the same! Maybe a little more stubble, though." Cas grinned. "I can deal with that. Um, until that dinner… would you settle for a coffee presently?"

Dean ignored the fact he had just eaten, and bought them both muffins at the local bakery.

"So… how did it happen? That is, if you want to… you know…" "Oh, I have no problem talking about it. Yes, it was about two years ago, almost two years after we had spent that night together. I was coming home from a gig at a bar; it was a real sketchy one, y'know?" Dean nodded, unwrapping his chocolate chip muffin.

"Well, I was cornered by some guys trying to rob me. I told them I don't bring money to work, which was a lie at that point, since I had just been paid for the event. But it was my rent, I couldn't just give it up… turns out that was the mistake of my life. They searched me, and when they found the envelope in my back pocket, I tried to throw a punch. But they were stronger than me, and threw me against the garbage bin in the alley, the edge of the thing colliding straight with my temple-" Dean winced, "-Just as they were about to take my money, the owner of the bar came out, and threatened to call the cops. That scared them off, I suppose, but I had already blacked out. I woke up the next morning in a hospital bed, obviously brought there by the bar man, and I couldn't see. Apparently, the hit was straight to the centre of my temple, and it damaged some important optic nerves… after that, life got very dark. Literally."

Dean rubbed his bottom lip, eyebrows knit. "God… Cas, that's horrible." Cas stared for a moment, his lips quirking up. "I'm just kidding… I actually slipped and hit my head on my dishwasher. That all just sounded so much more captivating, though."

Dean looked horrified for a second, then he gradually started to laugh, Cas joining in. "Wha… son of a bitch, you serious?" "Yes. But if anyone asks, stick with the robber story." "Jesus… never knew you had such a sick sense of humour." "I guess that's what getting to know someone is, instead of fucking for one night."

Dean grinned at this. "Excuse me, but if I remember correctly, it was you who insisted we go back to my place without even drinking together first." "What? I couldn't help it if you kept flexing your huge muscles and talking in that voice!" "What voice?" "That voice… that low voice you're doing right now, that sounds husky and Texan at the same time."

"Texan?!" "Texan." "I thought being blind heightened your hearing." "Well, yes." "You better have your ears checked, man, cause I'm from Kansas," Dean laughed, and Cas grinned, licking his lips. "I was close, wasn't I?"

He unwrapped his blueberry muffin, and took a bite as Dean initiated another question. "Were you scared when you lost your sight that you wouldn't be able to play again?" Cas looked down, and nodded. "In all seriousness, yes. That was my worst fear, actually. But over the course of a couple months, I trained myself again, and decided I would become a piano teacher at the centre for the impaired, Angel Heart Arts."

Dean watched Cas eat. He sure was a good guy. "You're making me sound bad now," he joked, "All I did for the past four years was mope around my apartment and eat." "What, are you fat now?" Cas asked apprehensively. "Maybe." "Dean, I'm concerned for your health." "Geez, no. Like I said, I hardly changed, just got a little older."

They finished their muffins, and Dean cleared his throat. "So… that dinner. If you're still up for it, and you don't think I'm a complete douchebag after having muffins with me, I'd like to do this all properly, and buy you dinner Castiel." Cas grinned, standing himself up. "I'd very much enjoy that, Dean. What day?" "How about Friday night, the pizza place down the street?" "That sounds amazing." "Alright. Catch you then- and Cas?" "Yes?" "Don't bump into any more dogs until then, okay? I won't be there to save you." "Excuse me?!" "Too soon? Too soon."

Dean laughed, watching Cas leave with a smile. Maybe, just this one time, he wouldn't screw up… maybe it was possible to have something good for once.

-0-0-0-

"Hey, mom," he said, sitting down by the hospital bed, "I've got great news."

He watched his mom's chest rise and fall, and tried to remember she could probably hear him.

"Do you remember Castiel? I told you about him once a long time ago. He was that piano player. Well, we reconnected, miraculously. And we're kind of… going out now. Sort of. I'm real happy… he's a dream, mom. Just… don't tell Sammy I said that. He'd never let me hear the end of it."

He smiled, and looked down. "Miss you. Talk soon." He got up, kissing her forehead.

-0-0-0-

Friday finally approached, and Dean hadn't realized how much he had been looking forward to it until it came. He hadn't told Sam or Jess about finding Cas again, because, well, they didn't even know who he was in the first place, and it would take too long to explain.

He thought about buying flowers or something… but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed too over the top. It was the first date… sort of… he didn't want Cas to think he was too attached. But maybe Cas wanted that… roses should be fine. No, not roses, those definitely spell commitment. Hmmm… carnations? Wait, aren't those for proms and stuff?

Dean sighed, going up to the florist. "Look, I've got no damn clue what kind of flowers to get my date. To be honest, I don't know if I even should be bringing flowers, but what the hell, right? Um… you got any ideas for a first dinner date?" He hadn't realized he had been scratching at his forearm nervously.

The guy working there, obviously as a part time job, had a nametag that read 'Adam.' He looked so bored it wasn't even funny. "Dude, I started working here yesterday," he muttered, "For all I care, you can get your date petunias as long as I meet my sales requirements." Dean frowned. "Well, thanks, man, you're a real friggin' help."

"What do you need help with, sweetie cakes?!" a slightly large, African American woman bellowed, coming out from the back room. Her nametag read Missouri. Ah. So she's the owner of the place- Missouri's Bouquets.

"Yeah, hi," Dean said, frowning as Adam retreated back to the desk, "I've got a date, wondering what to get." "Oh, a date! How lovely, honey. Can you tell me more about them?" "Yeah… he's a real sweet guy. I mean, he's funny too, but he's sort of sensitive, y'know? And he's really, really handsome. Like, can't take your eyes off of him handsome. He's got this kind of… timeless beauty, you get me?"

Missouri smirked at him. "If he could only hear you describing him now, he'd want to put a ring on your ass, sweetheart." Dean blushed, rubbing his neck, and Missouri smiled, beckoning him back to the other end of the small shop.

"Uh, one more thing," Dean added, "It doesn't matter what they look like. They could be the ugliest damn flowers you've got, it just matters what they smell like. The nicest smelling flowers you have." Missouri nodded.

"Well, I assume you two know each other well." "It's our first date…" "Yes, but the way you described him… it's like you've been studying the boy for years." Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you could say we've met before. How did you know?" Missouri smiled mysteriously. "I can figure some things out, honey. This way now." She led him back to a room full of these beautiful flowers.

"Lilies," she smiled, extending her arms, "Perfect for dates. You just pick out some nice ones, alright?" Dean grinned. "Yeah, thanks!"

He bought the flowers, and nervously ran a hand through his hair, checking his watch and buttoning and unbuttoning his top shirt buttons. He approached the restaurant, Purgatory Pizzeria, and his breath caught as he saw Castiel there. He was waiting patiently by the front area, staring up at the sky with his sunglasses on. The sun had almost set, but Dean obviously now knew why he was wearing them.

He cleared his throat twice, and slicked back his hair again. Then he frowned… wait, Cas couldn't see him… he didn't have to keep up appearances. He'd have to get used to that… assuming, of course, they went any further than tonight.

"Hello, Dean," Cas smiled, and Dean's mouth fell open, fiddling with his cuff. "How did you…" "I can hear you fidgeting, and I can hear paper crinkling in the same spot repeatedly. I assumed it was you." Dean smiled a little to the side, and stepped closer, helping him up. "These… uh, these are for you," he mumbled, placing the wrapping in Cas' hands, "Call me a sap, but… I don't know, I guess you deserve flowers after how I let you go." Cas' face lit up. "Dean, they smell beautiful! Lilies?" Dean grinned. "Yep. You like them?" "I love them. Thank you so much."

They walked in, the hostess seating them. "Dean," Castiel started, "I want you to promise me something." Dean nodded, sliding into a booth opposite him. "Alright." "Please don't feel guilty about four years ago. Forget about it. We're starting over, okay?" Dean felt a relieved sigh leave him. "You're not still mad or anything?"

"Why would I be? I myself thought it was a one night stand anyway, I'm not bitter about it all these years later, believe me."

Dean smiled. "Man, that's a load off. So, wait… like, forget the angst forget it, or pretend it never happened forget it?" "Oh, only the angst," Cas said, taking a sip from his water, "I would never wish to forget the best night I've ever been given." Dean grinned. "That good, huh?" "Explosive," Cas grinned back. "Think about it often?" "All the time, actually." "You kinky bastard." "Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm blind, Dean. I've only got memories to serve me." Dean chuckled. "Touché."

The waitress came around, and they ordered a margarita pizza.

"You know," Cas started, "I don't know if you remember it… you probably don't. But I told you about that dream of seeing the Eiffel Tower when I last saw you." Dean thought for a second, trying hard to remember. He went through everything that had transpired that night, and he suddenly remembered him saying something like that afterward.

"What a stupid aspiration," Cas said, shaking his head, "That will never happen now." "Well, what if you went anyway? Wouldn't it be worth it to actually be there?" "I suppose so. I suppose I'd like to touch the Eiffel Tower, second best." "You can touch my Eiffel Tower whenever you want-" "I fucking knew that was coming!"

Dean laughed as Cas scolded him. "Listen, never say never, man," he finally said, "Seeing can mean different things to different people." Castiel smiled, taking a bite of pizza. Dean had to hold back a laugh, and Cas frowned. "What?" Dean laughed a little. "What is it?" Cas asked, his frown deepening. "It's… you've…" Dean bit his lip, "You've got this really long piece of cheese… it's… ha!" Cas tried to lick around his lips, but it was on his chin now, and Dean reached forward to help. Cas shivered a little as Dean's hand ran along his face, getting the cheese off.

"Well that was embarrassing," Cas muttered. "It was cute!" "In no way was that cute." "Aw, come on, you were adorable." "Dean, I swear-" "Yeah, yeah." Castiel burst into giggles, and that set Dean off as well. They finished their pizza off, chatting and laughing about random things, and Dean paid at the end.

"So," Dean said as they exited the restaurant. "So," Cas smiled, rocking onto his toes then back on his heels. "It's a nice night," Dean whispered. "Is it?" Castiel asked softly, and Dean reached forward, hesitating. He wanted desperately to cup his cheek, and really, he shouldn't be this shy about any of this, cause they had both been naked together before, but this all felt… new.

Dean licked over his lips nervously, and Cas reached forward, clutching Dean's hand in midair. "Fresh start," he murmured, and brought it to touch his cheek. Dean couldn't help but smile, and he leaned in with a swallow, getting closer and closer. He finally dipped down, pressing his lips to Cas' gingerly, and the other man was surprised, not anticipating this.

"Sorry," Dean mumbled, pulling back, "You just looked so… I don't know… yeah. I had to." Cas grinned. "I think I've missed you, Dean," he said, and pulled Dean back to him, connecting their lips once again. This time, Castiel's tongue made the bold move to the entrance of Dean's mouth, Dean parting his lips just enough to let him in. They kissed like this, Dean cupping both of Cas' cheeks, and Cas snaking his arms around Dean's neck while holding the flowers, until both were gasping for air.

"I'd like very much to see you again," Cas said. "Diddo," Dean said, blinking. Castiel laughed. "Call me," he said, taking Dean's phone out of the other man's pocket and holding down a button. "Voice Recorder," he spoke into it, and in two beeps, the app was open. Then he spoke the number in, and it saved to contacts.

"Holy shit… this thing has voice recording?" "Good night, Dean." "You mean I've been writing all my notes down when I could've been-" "See you soon?" "I… yeah, that sounds good." "Good. Goodbye!" "Bye, Cas."

Dean couldn't wipe the stupid smile off of his face as he trailed home. He was seeing Cas again!

He pulled out his phone, finding Sam's number. He grinned to himself as he started a new text to his brother, opening with- Sammy? I think I finally made it.

-0-0-0-

Cas made it home, sitting in the plush chair by the window. He was so happy. Dean made him feel normal again. He had been abused, knocked around by a couple of the guys he had been with- a part he had purposefully left out from the conversation with Dean- but with him, he felt natural. He could be himself, which is what he'd feared from the moment he heard his voice again.

Still, the voices of some choice guys he had slept with echoed in his head. Why did he attract the weirdos?

'You're my little bitch,' was a popular one, and then there was that one guy, Alastair was his name- who got off on watching Cas struggle.

"Where am I? You want me, you've got to find me!"

Cas could still hear his taunting laughter, and it made him shiver. He decided to make himself hot chocolate, because the last time he had tried home-brewed coffee, he ended up drinking watered-down lentil dust.

He got up, taking the powder from the cupboard, and thought about listening to an audiobook or something. But he was too tired, and it took too long to find one he liked, so he just decided to sit quietly.

When the hot chocolate was done, he sat down in the chair again, thinking about Dean some more. It was hard not to, when he gave him tingles as if he were a high school crush. He wasn't lying when he had talked about thinking of that night. He did almost every evening, which may be pathetic, but it really did the job, thinking about how good Dean was. It was almost a godsend that he was able to meet him again.

Of course, this was ignoring the fact that Dean had left the next day. Because he didn't care anymore. Not really.

He lifted the mug up to his lips, and winced as he swallowed. Vanilla Whey protein. He had made a hot power shake.

He sighed, shaking his head. Sometimes, even three years later, being blind took some getting used to.


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay… so, let me get this straight," Sam said, pacing in front of his webcam, "You met this guy, four years ago? And you see him again two days ago?" "Yes, that's basically it, yeah." "What does basically mean?" "Well… some things have changed." "Like what?"

Dean twiddled his thumbs. "He's, uh, blind now." "Yeah, Dean, I'm sure he is kind-" "No dude. BLIND." Sam stopped pacing, and looked into the cam. "Blind, did you say?" "Yes. As a bat. No vision. Nada." Jess plopped herself behind Sam. "Awww! That's so romantic!" Dean frowned. "What, how?" "It's sort of like Love Affair!" "What affair?" "Haven't you seen that old movie…? You know, with Cary Grant?"

Dean held his oblivious look, until he just shook his head. "Look, don't turn my love life into some chick flick, Jess. Yes, I found this guy who I had some serious feelings for when we… met, and we're sort of starting properly this time."

"I am so so so happy for you," Jess smiled, turning to Sam, "Aren't you, Sam-bear?" "Sam-bear?" Dean winced, "That doesn't even rhyme." Sam laughed, sticking his tongue out. "Relationship goals, Dean. Anyway, yeah, man, I'm proud of you. One of your hook-ups actually paid off!" Dean huffed, but he couldn't really object to what Sam was saying.

Just then, someone banged on the door behind Sam and Jess, and Dean heard a faint, 'You comin' to the keg party or what, Winchester?!' Sam ducked his head with a smile, and called back, "Be right out!" He turned back, and Dean crossed his arms. "Be responsible. Jess, keep him in check." "What are you kidding me?" Sam laughed, "She'll be just as wasted as me!" "Will not! I just won't drink tonight to make sure you make it out alive." "What would I do without you?" "Crash and burn."

Dean smirked, and waved. "Alright, you two. Talk later. Don't die. Fully." "Will do," Sam grinned, "Bye, Dean!" "Bye, little brother."

Dean shut the laptop, kicking up his feet. Then he programmed in Castiel's number, texting, How does a walk downtown sound next Tuesday?

-0-0-0-

Cas weaved his fingers through Dean's hand, the first real significant sign of their growing relationship after the kiss last weekend.

"So you don't get lost?" Dean asked playfully, referring to the hand holding, and he could just tell Cas was glaring at him from under the sunglasses. "It's a term of endearment, in case you're socially inept and didn't know." Dean choked back a laugh as they got off the subway, walking out by some fountains and into the stream of people.

They made their way down the road, beginning to talk about anything and everything.

"So what's this restaurant you work at?" Cas asked him. "Singer's. It's sort of a diner type place, the guy who owns it's a real piece of work. I mean, he's real rough, but once you get to know him… well, he's a teddy bear, I'll say that much. Of course, if he heard me spreading that around, he'd blow me away, probably." Cas smiled. "My lips are sealed."

They kept walking.

"There must be a lot of people out today," Cas commented, walking stick patting the ground in front of him. "How can you tell?" Dean asked. "Well, I can hear all the different voices talking at once as they pass by… and I can feel the vibrations of the footsteps in my cane." Dean nodded. "Huh. Pretty cool, Gandalf." "Gandalf?" "Yeah. You know, you shall not pass! Lord of the Rings?" "I've never seen it. Never will." "Dude, we've totally got to watch the visually impaired, hearing amplified version of those movies." "If you say so."

They made it to a bend in the road where people could see the water, where a fountain was going and people were sitting. "Dean, do you have a penny?" Castiel asked, a smile playing at his lips. "Yeah. Why?" "I hear a fountain. I have to make a wish." "You don't seriously believe in that, do you?" "Not really. But it's fun."

Dean handed Cas a coin, and the man beside him tossed it in after a second. Dean planted a kiss to his temple, and asked softly, "What did you wish for?" Cas continued to stare into the water, seeing through it. "Nothing important."

They spent a few moments standing there, hand in hand, before Dean thought of something. "I should go get a few more coins changed, so I can make a wish too," he grinned, and took a step away. Just then, his phone went off, ringing. He cursed, and took it out, stepping over to a railing by the viewpoint of the water. "Yeah? Oh, Bobby. I'm kind of in the middle of something, yeah… yes, I'm planning to be in tomorrow…"

From where he was standing, Castiel tilted his head a little, unable to feel Dean beside him anymore. "Dean, where'd you go?" he smiled, and he patted at the air beside him. He shifted, turning that way. "Dean?

He took a step further, and reached out in front of him. "Dean, are you there? Where are you?" He felt for someone in front of him, but heard a startled gasp, female. "Oh, I'm so sorry," he said, "I was just looking for someone." He kept walking, trying to feel out a path with his stick. "Dean? Dean, where are you?"

Dean spoke into his phone. "Look, Bobby, I know I've got a shift early tomorrow, but I'm real busy right now, so… okay, I've got it, but I can't talk right now!" He looked up for a moment as his boss was speaking, and frowned. "Cas?"

Castiel moved through the crowd, getting a little more frantic now. "Dean?" he managed out, trying to turn around and find his way back to where he was. He could hear a lot more people walking past him, and he couldn't feel Dean, and some sort of horrible panic was rising inside of him.

"Dean? Please answer me…"

Dean scanned the crowd, but there were so many people he couldn't even tell who was who. Cas was nowhere to be found, and Dean knew that was a disaster, because he wouldn't be able to find his way back, probably, not with all these people. "Cas?" he asked, looking around more urgently now.

"Excuse me, have you- sorry… have you seen- sorry. Um, I'm looking for someone with- ow!"

Cas was frustrated; he wasn't getting anywhere with the people around him, and at this point, he didn't even really know how far he had walked away from Dean. He could faintly hear the fountain in the distance still, but Dean's voice was silent. He felt helpless, and that was what he hated most.

Then he began to hear cars, and realized he must be getting to a crosswalk. "Dean?" he tried again, biting his lip. "I can't feel you… I don't know where you are!"

Dean did a full 360, looking everywhere. How could Cas have gone missing? He was standing right next to him, and now… "Cas?!" he shouted, and he heard a distant, "Dean!" He turned quickly to where it was from… and his eyes widened. "Cas, stay right there!" He ran through the people, and grabbed Cas by the shoulders right before he was about to step foot into the road, a car whizzing by them as he pulled him back.

Cas frowned, and felt for Dean's arm, relaxing visibly as he found it. "Dean," he breathed, "Where did you go?" "I thought you heard me when I said I was going to get some coins… then I got a call, and stepped off for a second. I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry that happened, Cas." Cas shook his head, burying his face into Dean's chest. "It's not your fault. I need to pay better attention..."

Dean held him close to his chest, letting people pass by them as Cas wrapped his arms around Dean. "We'll walk together now, okay?" Dean asked, kissing his nose, and Cas nodded. "You must think I'm like some runaway child-" "Of course you're not!" "-And I'm sorry if it seems that way." "No, not at all." "You probably think I'm an idiot." "Cas, stop it. Rush hour pedestrian traffic is ridiculous. It had nothing to do with you." Cas exhaled, and connected their hands again. "Let's go for a smoothie." "Not a bad idea."

So they went over to the nearest juice bar they could find, coming down from that whole thing.

"You're probably going to laugh about that ten years from now," Dean pointed out, gripping Castiel's shoulder. "Yes, I'll be just keeling over in hysterics," Cas deadpanned, but not without a small smile.

"Cas?" "Yes?" "I think I like you a lot." "You think you like me a lot? Well, that's a relief." Dean blushed, and Cas carded his hand through Dean's hair with a laugh. "I know. I think I do too." "Yeah?" "Yeah. I'm glad I got to see you when we first met, but I have to say… even if I hadn't, I'm certainly attracted to your personality." "Really, huh? Now, see, if you asked my brother, he'd say I'm a pain in the ass. That's why I don't let him meet any of my dates…"

"You have a brother?!" Cas grinned, nudging Dean, "You never told me that!" Dean shrugged, smiling, "Yeah… he's in college. Real smart kid." "You have to take me to meet him some day." "I guess. If you really want to." "Yes! My older brother, Gabriel, is a wingnut, so you wouldn't want to meet him. He used to do stand-up comedy, and we used to be fairly close, but… over the last four years, actually, things caught up with him. He got arrested for a DUI, skipped probation, got into some pretty debilitating drugs… and he basically, um… stopped talking to me. He's so far gone, I'm surprised he hasn't OD'd already."

Dean was quiet, imagining how horrible that would be if it were Sam. "I'm sorry," he finally said, and Cas waved it off. "It's alright. Sometimes, yes, I miss him dropping in now and again, ranting about some idiot bouncer or something, but… he'd always been pretty troubled." Dean looked up. "Can I ask why?" "Um, yeah… my parents left, when I was eleven, and he was seventeen. Apparently, they had this big fight, about what they wanted him to do, and they just left Gabriel to take care of himself and me. He loved my parents more than the world, so it really broke him up. Plus, he'd had to grow up pretty fast, as did I. But Gabriel, he's… he's done so much for me over the years. Things you couldn't even imagine. So I'd never speak ill of him."

"Huh… so how did you get enough to get into Julliard?" Dean asked incredulously. "Lots of student loans… also, our Aunt Naomi was pretty nice to us, helping us all she could from where she lives in Nebraska… she also stopped talking to us after Gabriel's… um, stints." Dean shook his head. "Dude, that sucks. Really. I'm sorry you had to go through that." "What's past is past. What about your parents?" Dean smirked. "Well, I guess you could say we're similar in the parental department." "Yours left too?" "Not exactly… my dad died when I was fourteen and Sammy was ten. Marines accident. And my mom…" He sucked air in through his teeth, "well, anyway, we don't have any parents anymore." He bit his lip, thinking about his mother. Even imagining her, lying there, motionless, in a hospital bed made him want to cry, or punch a wall, he didn't know. But Cas didn't need to know about it… she was basically dead, anyway, he thought bitterly, as much as he liked to deny it.

"That's awful," Cas said. "Well, whatever. This topic's bringin' me down," Dean grinned, "What's your favourite music?" "What is this, speed dating?" "I want to know everything I missed, tell me." "Fine! I like Mozart… Beethoven… Bach is nice, I love his Cello Suites-" "Of course, what was I expecting asking a piano teacher?" "They're classics!" "Nah, you know what I consider classic?" "Pray tell, Dean." "Kansas."

Cas snorted. "Kansas?" "Yes! Now they're classic, their music is timeless!" "I think it's annoying." "Woah, woah, woah, you think Kansas is annoying?! Dude… I don't think… we're not gonna work out, man, if you think Kansas sucks. Deal-breaker." "Oh yes?" "Yeah. Would you notice if I just left now?" "Yes, I would notice." "Damn, I guess I'll just have to leave a note on your bedside table." "Bedside table? You're presumptuous." "Right, like you thought we weren't going to." Cas grinned. "I…" "Aha! Speechless." "Shut up, Dean." "Shut me up."

Cas scowled, and reached beside him, feeling out Dean's shoulders before leaning in to kiss him. That silenced Dean into a comfortable smile, closing his eyes and leaning in as Cas made a little noise into his mouth, parting his lips further. "Your lips taste good," Cas muttered, and Dean huffed. "Like what?" "Like… tobacco and strawberries."

Dean had to brace himself against his chair to keep from doubling over. "Tob- Cas, again, way off the fucking mark! I don't even smoke!" "Well… it's probably residual." "From what?!" "I don't know… do you have a chimney?" "Yeah, and I sit in front of it all day every day, breathing that shit." "Fine, I was wrong!" "Dammit, you make me laugh." Cas grumbled back incoherently, before Dean kissed him again, wiping the scowl off of his face.

"Can I see you again on Saturday?" Cas asked softly, and Dean nodded, then remembering Cas couldn't see that, whispered back, "Love that," against his lips, so the words were almost jumbled. "Okay," Cas smiled, and Dean grinned back, "Okay."

Man, they were lame.

-0-0-0-

"How's she doing?" Dean asked through the phone, where he was talking to Sam. Sam had gotten the weekend off, and was visiting their mom in the hospital. It was closer to Sam, and Dean couldn't make the trip this time, but his brother was giving him updates.

"How do you think?" Sam grumbled. Dean sighed. "Yeah…" "Dean, why do we-" "No. Come on, Sam, we've been through this. We're not letting her go yet! It's only been-!" he considered it, and sighed again, "Nine years…" Sam huffed on the other end. "Exactly! Don't you think she would've woken up by now?!" "Sam, we're not doing it. Conversation closed."

Dean could tell Sam was trying to be stubborn, but he could be just as stubborn if he wanted to be.

"Yeah… okay. Anyway, I'll give her your best." "Thanks. Sam, I know it's hard-" "Actually, you know what, Dean? It stopped being hard about five years ago. When I realized she wasn't coming back." Dean rubbed his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut. "Right… well, talk soon. Give Jess a hug for me, and all that…" "Yeah. I will, Dean." "Um… okay. I… bye, Sammy." "Bye, Dean."

Dean hung up the phone, and tossed it angrily to his couch. That was the one and only area that the two brothers legitimately disagreed in. He just couldn't fathom letting their mom, the person who had always been there for them, just die, when there was still a chance, even the slightest, that she could wake up.

He went to the kitchen sink, tossing some cold water on his face and running his wet fingers through his hair. He pursed his lips. What he needed was a distraction from all this… He had a day off tomorrow. Unfortunately, Cas did not.

"Well then, I'll just get creative," he said to nobody, and shut off the sink.

-0-0-0-

Cas sat at home, idly tapping on the piano he had in his living room. Since he had taught himself to play again after the accident, it was calming to listen to the notes sometimes.

He was seated there now, because his mind kept wandering back to the last date with Dean. The whole lost in the crowd thing was something he had had real nightmares about before, and the fact that it had actually happened was even scarier. He absolutely hated feeling helpless, as he had reminded himself before. He really had to be more careful.

He played the beginning of Moonlight Sonata on the piano, drifting away into the music, then played something a little more upbeat, what he usually plays at bars and stuff. Then, for a split second, he stopped- his hands stilled. He held his head in his hands.

It was still so hard sometimes, to think he would never, ever see anything again. He would never see someone's face… what if he adopted a kid one day? That would be a predicament.

He got up weakly, trying to smile like he did with Dean. Dean made him laugh, genuinely, and he could joke and forget about all of this for a while… it was addictive, the escape from the pain. But it always came back when he was alone again.

He got up, and walked across the living room, going to get some water, and his pyjama leg snagged on the sharp part of the staircase railing he had been meaning to fix. He tripped, falling onto the ground, and this time, he couldn't help the tears. He let them fall, curled up in a little ball at the base of the stairs. He let his fingers run over his closed eyes, feeling the tears fall, but seeing nothing except blackness. It felt like just the day before he had been able to see the colour of the hardwood floor, but it had, of course, been years.

He cried for a few minutes, then picked himself up again, as usual, just a routine. Life goes on.

-0-0-0-

Dean grinned as he rounded the corner, staring up at the sign that hung above the door.

'Angel Heart Arts Centre For The Impaired.'

Dean rubbed his hands together, and pushed the door open. A lady at the desk smiled at him, and he went up. "Hello, can I help you?" she asked, and Dean smiled back. "I'm sure you can. Is Castiel Novak's class somewhere…?" "Oh, Mr. Novak's piano class! Yes, he's just in session with the intermediates right now."

She hesitated. "Are you… Gabriel?" Dean looked back, and opened his mouth. "Oh no, no," he laughed, "Nope, not him." The woman relaxed a little. "Sorry. It's just that, Castiel and I have talked a few times, and he doesn't really talk much about his family, but he told me something about his brother once. I just assumed it was you." Dean nodded. "Yeah, no, I'm Dean. I'm Castiel's… well, we're… we're dating."

The woman nodded in understanding, and came out from behind the desk. "I'm Anna," she said. Dean nodded. "Hey. How long've you been working here?" "A few years now. It's so rewarding, you know? Seeing kids being able to do things that would have otherwise seemed impossible?" "Yeah, I can imagine," Dean nodded.

Through the silence, Dean could hear the notes from the piano through a door, and he stood up, motioning to the door. "Can I…?" Anna bit her lip. "Yes, but be very quiet."

Dean crept over, and took a peek inside, eyes widening as he saw how many kids were there. Some had problems with their hands, and were playing alternatively… some were blind, like Cas was… it was amazing.

After the piece they were practicing was over, Cas nodded. "I'm very proud of you all. You're definitely ready for next week's recital- we'll play some Stevie Wonder, what do you guys think?" Dean held back a chuckle. Cas did have an ironic sense of humour.

"I don't know, I think you guys should try a classical rendition of Carry On Wayward Son," Dean interjected as everyone was collecting their papers. Cas' head jerked up, and a warm smile washed over his face. "Dean. Everyone, this is Dean, my boyfriend."

Oh. Okay, so he said it.

"Hi, Dean," everyone came out with, and Dean waved, hoping at least half of them could see it. "Hey, Cas," he mumbled with a grin. "I didn't know you knew where I worked," Cas said, still smiling, "What a nice surprise." "You told me the name of the place, so I googled it, found the address." "I'm glad you did."

Dean sat down next to Cas on the bench, the two now alone in the room. "You're the greatest guy I've ever met, you know that?" Dean whispered, ghosting his lips along Cas' earlobe. Cas giggled a little, using his shoulder to shrug the kisses off. "And why is that?"

"Well…" Dean started, his voice reverberating low in his chest as he turned more fully toward Cas, "Because you're such an inspiration." He mouthed open kisses along Cas' jaw, making Cas tilt back a little. "To these kids…" he continued, using the pad of his thumb to stroke across his cheek. "You're giving them something awesome. And that makes you awesome."

"You think I'm awesome?" Castiel grinned, and Dean laughed into Cas' hair. "Yes." "I'm flattered. I don't even know what to say." "Say you'll have me… say you want me to take you home… god, Cas, I-" His breath hitched, and Cas turned to face him. "Dean," he murmured, and after a moment, he took a deep breath, taking off his sunglasses. Dean stared into his blue eyes, memories flooding back.

"Holy crap," he breathed, "You're just as beautiful as that night, you know that?" And that made Cas' eyes fill, tears threatening to spill over. "I don't think you mean that," he whispered, biting his lip with a breaking voice, and Dean wiped away a single drop that was running down his cheek. "Hey," he muttered back, "I mean all of it."

Cas nuzzled his head into Dean's shoulder, and brought his lips in line with Dean's ear. "We should go back to my place… if you're still living in that apartment, I know for a fact my bed is bigger than yours." Dean exhaled, and kissed Cas on the cheek before getting up, taking his arm and passing him his coat. Cas smiled, and they walked out together.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas told Dean the address, sitting in the passenger's side of Dean's car, and the moment they got in, he started rubbing slowly up and down Dean's thigh. "You keep that up, we won't even make it back to your place," Dean laughed. "Why," Cas rasped, determined to have a little fun with Dean, "Because you're going to fuck me?"

Dean bit down so hard on his lip he thought there'd be blood.

"Are you going to fuck me until I can't move, Dean? Fuck me hard into the mattress, listening to me calling your name?" Dean groaned a little, turning at a green light and going just a little faster than the speed limit.

"It's true, you know…" Castiel said, hand grazing Dean's bicep, "That without the ability to see, I feel more… I'll feel every little crook of your finger, every flick of your tongue against my hard flesh…" "Cas," Dean warned. "This time I want you in me," he said, "I want to feel you deep inside of me, showing me what it's like to be filled up by someone who truly cares… you care about me, Dean, I know that…"

Dean breathed out sharply, and parked the car, shifting uncomfortably as he got up, so that Cas could see the visible strain in his pants. He took Castiel's hand, and Cas led him up to the door of his place, taking out his keys. He had a special brail message on his front door key, so he felt for that, opening it.

"Wow," Dean muttered, "This place is huge." "I suppose it is spacious. I moved in here living off of the money I had been making from bar gigs. And teaching is a sustainable salary, I must sa-ahhhh…"

Dean cut him off just as Cas had done their first time, and kissed him repeatedly, leading him back toward what had to be Cas' bedroom. "Ah… please… Dean," Cas murmured, and Dean worked a fist between them, massaging Cas' growing bulge until he was a moaning mess. "Oh, take my pants off, Dean, they're too tight." So Dean went to work on his belt, eventually pulling his pants down. He could barely see straight, he wanted Cas so bad.

Cas felt around, and pressed two fingers to Dean's waistband, feeling a little higher to map out his abdomen again. "So many muscles," he teased, poking at his abs, and Dean grinned, swooping in to kiss him again. Cas moaned into Dean's mouth again, rotating his hips upward, seeking friction. Dean gave it to him with the palm of his hand, grinding against Cas' cock as he slipped his own pants off, before taking his shirt off.

They walked backward toward the bed some more, and finally sat down on top of it, Cas shaking a bit. Dean tugged up on Castiel's shirt, but Cas stopped him. "Wait… I want to see you first."

Dean frowned in confusion, until Cas brought his delicate hands to cup Dean's face, first the sides, then his nimble fingers traced every ridge, detail and contour of Dean, pausing over certain areas, committing every inch to mind. Cas gave a content sigh, stroking over Dean's cheeks, and patting his jaw.

"I think you're even more handsome now than you were before," he said, and Dean smirked, holding Cas' wrists as Cas held Dean's face. Then he leaned in close, kissing Dean chastely, and said, "Alright." Dean laid them down, pressing Cas back, and moaned.

"Cas," Dean wheezed, nosing at the hem of his shirt. He rolled it up until it was rucked up over his nipples, and Dean took to laving around them, making Cas squirm. He felt his dick jump in his briefs, and Dean felt it too.

"So excited… so hard for me," Dean crooned, trailing a wet finger down Cas' stomach, down to the V of his narrow hips, and he finally used his teeth to pull down his underwear. Cas' cock was standing straight up, leaking a little bit of pre-come, which Dean quickly went to work on cleaning up. He tasted a little, and decided to take a little more of him in his mouth, sucking the head in a little. Cas' hands flew down, patting around the bed until they made it into Dean's hair, tugging on the short locks. Dean almost choked on him as Cas thrust upward, and he had to keep his hands secure on his hips to keep them from bucking up.

"Dean… oh, Dean… p-please, more… the sensations… it's all too much…" Dean hummed around him, and released with a pop, moving up to place more wet, sloppy kisses to Cas' lips. Dean's mouth tasted salty from his fluids, but Cas didn't mind, not when his perfect boyfriend was licking into his mouth like he was an ice cream cone or something.

"Enough…" Cas panted, pushing on Dean's shoulder as he suckled his neck, "Need you… in me. Please, Dean. I want to feel… everything."

Dean complied, gently nudging Castiel onto his stomach. Cas breathed out. "The lubrication is in the top drawer to the left." Dean followed his direction, and took the small bottle out, squirting a generous amount. He slicked one finger, then hesitated. "Can you take two, baby?" "I… I think so." So Dean got two fingers slick, and gently parted Cas, stroking along his entrance.

Cas' hole puckered a little as Dean inched his fingers in, and he groaned a little. "That feels…" he shuddered, "So good, Dean… oh, god… I always thought it would hurt… but…" Dean pushed in a little deeper, and Cas sucked in a sharp breath, hand flying back urgently to find Dean's. Dean's left hand grabbed it, and he kneaded his thumb into Cas' palm. "It's okay… it's okay, I've got you, Cas… I'll make it so good…" "I know. I know you will, Dean," Cas said, wincing a little as Dean pushed even deeper, beginning to stroke him open.

"That's it… just relax like that, baby… I'll take care of you," Dean murmured softly, working his fingers around to open Cas up for him. "So beautiful," he said, squeezing his hand, and carefully added a third finger, making Cas jerk a little. "You okay?" Dean asked, pausing, and Cas nodded feverishly. "Please keep going!" "Okay, okay," Dean chuckled, and he scissored a little harder, getting Cas nice and ready.

When it was time, Dean felt Cas pat his arm insistently, and he nodded to himself, rolling Cas back over. "I want to see you," he explained, and Cas blushed, looking away. Dean turned his head back to face him, and kissed him, their tongues getting in the way of each other.

Cas lifted his legs up, and Dean slung them over his shoulders as he traced light patterns down the backs of Cas' thighs. "Now… please, I need you now," Cas almost cried, and Dean looked down to see Cas' very hard, swollen cock pressing up against his stomach. "Gonna fuck you so good," Dean whispered, and Cas shuddered, "Gonna fuck you good until you come all over yourself," he added, and Cas pawed at his chest. "Yes, do it… give it to me."

Dean grinned, and lining up his own cock with Cas' slick pink hole, pushed in, eyes sliding shut as he did so. "You're so perfect," Dean whispered, "So good at taking cock… taking my cock… you feel amazing, Cas." Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, drawing him even closer to his body, and soon, Dean's head was pressed against Cas' chest as he rocked into him, making Cas gasp a little with every thrust of hips into him.

Cas' head was soaring. This felt incredible… he could feel every little nerve shoot up every time Dean touched his body or pounded a good spot. He was over-emotional; every spark in him made him feel closer to Dean, and having Dean be an essential part of him in the moment was enough to send him reeling.

"This is unlike… anything I've ever felt," Cas said, swallowing, "It's so… so beautiful," he said, twining his hand with Dean's again. Then, when Dean hit his prostate, if he could see stars, he would have.

"Right there! Do that again, please, harder!" Dean mimicked where he had just slid in, and Cas' whole body convulsed in response. "Jackpot," Dean grinned, and curved his wrist down to begin touching Cas' dick as he fucked him.

"Dean," Cas whispered the name like a prayer, "What I'm feeling… it's indescribable… I… I can hardly… ohhh… I can hardly take it…" Dean dragged his thumb over his slit, and Cas cried out. "Dean- I'm close… I'm gonna come soon…" "Yeah, Cas, me too… tell me when, baby…" "Dean, so close, make me come!" "Gonna make you come, Cas… gonna make you come so hard you'll see again, huh?" Cas laughed, hands grabbing at whatever he could get at, which was Dean's flexing back at the moment.

"Make me see again, Dean," he smiled, a tear rolling down his cheek, "I want to see you again." Dean bottomed out into Castiel, thrusting repeatedly in determined waves, and soon, Cas was a writhing mess. "So… close… just a little more… a l-little deeper… ah! Yes!"

Encouraged by Cas' moaning, Dean kept hitting that one spot, and in one broken, overjoyed sob, Cas was coming, drawn out on Dean's dick, sticky cum cooling in the grooves of his own chest. A few more thrusts, and Dean was coming as well, grunting and panting as he filled Cas up to the hilt with his own load. Cas felt more tears of joy and relief roll down his cheeks as wave after wave of his orgasm washed over his already-shaking body, overwhelming every single one of his senses with unimaginable pleasure.

In his mind's eye, he could see Dean for a split second, the memory of him the first time they met, the memory of his gorgeous body fuelling the fire.

Soon, he came down, his entire being sated and completely satisfied. Dean was about to pull out, but Cas stopped him for a second. "Wait… I want you part of me for just a while longer," he smiled, and Dean nuzzled his nose against Castiel's, rolling his hips one more time as he kept himself propped on his forearms. Cas breathed out, and nodded, signifying Dean could pull out, and they laid together, side by side, in bed.

"That was spectacular," Cas mumbled, and Dean hugged him close, humming in agreement. "More than spectacular," he laughed, "Spectacu-lacular!" Cas grinned.

Dean massaged small circles down Cas' arms, and down to his forearms. He almost got to his wrists, when Cas suddenly jerked them away.

"What is it, babe?" Dean asked, and Cas blinked a few times, tucking his wrists away. "Nothing… just… I recently, um… spilled some hot water around there, a little sensitive there. You know how clumsy I really am? Heh- very." Dean frowned, and gently pulled his arms back out from underneath the covers, sitting up in bed as he realized what he was feeling.

"Jesus… Cas, did you do this?" Cas was silent, and Dean felt some more. "Tell me you didn't do this." Cas stayed silent, and Dean sighed, holding him close. "…Why?"

Cas rolled over, away from Dean but still pressed close to him. "I don't know… I guess I hated all this." "All what?" Dean asked, sounding almost as broken as Cas did earlier. "My whole life. Everything it had become." Heavy silence still hung in the air of the dark bedroom.

"I hated the pity, Dean! Whenever anybody realizes I'm blind, it's as if their whole view of me changes. I get the shoulder squeeze, the, 'I'm so sorry' sympathy look that I can't see but I know they're giving, and it was too much for me. I'm sure it's the same for every other person like me, but I wasn't used to it!"

Dean had stayed incredibly silent and still.

"I know it sounds childish, and monotonous, and so, so horribly selfish, but I didn't want to stay like this! Being alive was unbearable!" Cas said, sniffling, "It… it was just something that happened one night." Dean spoke up. "How the hell did you make it out of that?" "Don't ask me. Ask Gabriel. Yes, he's the one who found me. Yes, the coke-addicted, jail bird brother of mine. It just so happened he was in town, tried to call me, and found me like that. So that's why I never talked about him, in truth, that is. He's back in jail now, but he saved my life. I can't ever begin to thank him enough," he whimpered, "Because…" he sobbed a little, and Dean rubbed a soothing hand up his back, "Because after that night, I started seeing. Truly seeing, Dean! I saw the opportunity I'd been given, to change my life. So I did. I made some mistakes along the way, sometimes I cry even now, but it's all ended up here, now, and I can honestly say, I'm glad I'm not dead, Dean Winchester, because if I was, I would be missing out on you."

Dean smiled a little, and Cas rolled back over, hugging him. Dean wrapped their bodies together, and listened to Cas' steady breathing, the warmth helping them fall asleep soon after that exhausting confession.

-0-0-0-

Dean woke up to the sight of Castiel's sprawled out body beside him, and the memories came flooding back. He settled comfortably back into their spooning position, his eyes closed without being asleep.

His eyes opened, though, when he heard Cas whine his name quietly. His eyebrows shot up, and he smirked. "Cas?" he asked, but the other man was asleep, his hips occasionally moving to thrust into the sheets.

Dean laughed a little. Cas was having a wet dream about him? Interesting… this all just screamed blackmail. "Dean," Cas moaned, ever so softly, and Dean pressed a kiss to his ear, waking him up. "Morning." Cas blushed a little as he realized who was behind him, and patted his way out of the cuddle. "Was I? Um… did I?" "No, you didn't get that far in the dream," Dean winked, then remembered Cas couldn't see it.

"Splendid," Cas grumbled, "That means I'm hard and sweaty and- what time is it?" "I think it's like, 10." "Good. That gives me enough time to clean your come off of me and jack off in the shower." "Orrrr, we could just take care of you now." "I've got work at noon today, Dean," Cas smiled, feeling his way into a sitting position, "No time."

Dean pouted. "Aww. Anna seemed nice enough." "That's nice. Unfortunately, Anna's not my boss. She's the receptionist." Dean laughed, and Cas shook his head. "If you need me, I will be in the shower," he grinned, feeling his way over so he didn't trip on any clothes or anything.

"Noted," Dean shot back, and relaxed back into bed as he watched the naked backside of Cas disappear into the bathroom. He smiled to himself, feeling really happy.

Suddenly, his phone rang. Sam was calling him?

He took the device off the table beside the bed, and answered. "Uhhh, dude, you did not just call me the morning after." There was silence on the other line, and he heard his brother swallow. No… this couldn't be good.

He sat up a little, rubbing his face. "Sammy… what is it?" Sam started speaking, and Dean sat on edge, listening in.

"Dean… Mom went into cardiac arrest late last night. She…" there was a pause, and some shuffling, "She died just a little after midnight."


	5. Chapter 5

Dean closed his eyes, feeling his stomach drop. Last night… what? No, this… while he fucked Cas, his mother was dying.

But how could he have known? He couldn't have… but he still felt terrible. He felt like throwing up. He felt like his world was falling apart around him.

"Dean?" Sam's weary voice sounded, and Dean tried to muster up his voice. "Yeah… um… hold on, lemmee get some clothes on."

He pulled some pants on, leaving himself shirtless for now, and went out to the hallway. "So she… she just, um…" "I got the call as it was happening. I was there in time to at least, uh…" Dean heard him pause, sniffling, "Hold her hand." His brother cleared his throat, and Dean closed his eyes.

"I can't believe it… I thought… I thought she would come back, I really did." "She was asleep for nine years, Dean… little to none come back from that." Dean rubbed his eyes. "I know… I just… wanted her to be part of that little, y'know?"

He heard Sam sigh. "Yeah."

Dean picked at the speaker of the phone. "Um, when's the, uh…" his voice cracked, "Funeral?" "Don't know yet. Haven't planned that far," Sam said, "I just wanted to tell you before anyone else knew. I'm gonna have to call Aunt Jody, tell her." "Right." He heard the shower door open, and heard Cas humming something. "Uh, gotta go. Thanks for calling me, Sam." "Alright. Talk later."

Dean shoved his phone in his pocket, not bothering to wipe his eyes because Cas couldn't see them anyway, turning around to find him there.

"Dean," he smiled, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist, "I was thinking about what you said… I could probably take the day off work, and we could go to the carnival today. They have lots of fun rides, and I really like cotton candy. Maybe we could be extra cliché and go through the Tunnel of Love! Just promise to hold my hand if we go through the ghost maze, it would be terrible getting lost in there."

Dean gulped, Cas' smile making him even more sick. He could shove his feelings down pretty well… but this time, if he was expected to be that happy for an entire day, he would break down.

"I'm sorry, Cas… I can't. I've got some things to do."

The smile disappeared from Cas' face, and he looked a little crestfallen before he nodded. "Oh, okay. I should get some things done too before I go to work, I've been falling behind in my, um… reports." Dean felt so bad for doing this… but he really didn't want to spend time with anybody but Jack Daniels.

"I'll see you later then?" "Yeah, maybe." "Just text if you need someone," Cas frowned, "You sound stressed… has something come up? Is your brother alright?" Dean waved a hand, then cursed as he remembered Cas couldn't see it. He was mainly just irritated now, and wanted to black out everything so he could forget how horrible he felt. "Uh, everything's fine, Cas, I just need to think for a while."

Then he pulled his shirt over his head, and left, leaving Cas to stutter and feel his way to the bed.

Did I do something wrong? He asked himself, Dean seemed alright this morning… maybe he thinks I'm being stand-offish because I didn't let him shower with me… no, that can't be right. Why is he acting like this?

He sighed, sinking back into bed.

-0-0-0-

It was 11:00 at night when Dean had finished his eighth glass of whiskey. He was slurring, numb, and smashed; just what he had been going for.

He picked his head up from the kitchen table, sloshing the liquid in his glass around once before downing it.

"Bartenderrr!" he called to no one, "Another pleeease. Oh, I forgot. I'm the bartender." Then he poured another glass, speaking into it, "I'll drink to that."

He downed it in a gulp, and shuddered, coughing a little.

Then he thought of something, and with wide, childlike wonder, he took out his phone from his jeans pocket, opening his contacts. "Bennyyy? Who the hell's… oh that guy… I could call him… I could use a good fuck to take my mind off this shit… but wait… no, I'm with… I'm in a fucking relationship… how'd that happen…?"

He groaned as his head hit the table again. He'd better go to bed before he did something stupid. But then he reminded himself he had a whole half bottle of whiskey left.

"What the hell," he muttered, and took a swig right from the bottle, scrolling down to more contacts. He finally came to rest on Cassie's name. She was alright… he liked her well enough.

He pressed call, and let it ring. It rang once, twice, then someone finally picked up. "Gorgeous?" he slurred.

"Dean? It's 11:00 at night, what are you doing?" "Cassie! Heyyy… it's been a while, huh? Miss the smell of your long brown hair… you do have brown hair, right?" "Dean, who's Cassie? That's what my brother used to call me." Dean let out an incoherent noise. "Are you drunk? Did you drunk dial me, thinking I was someone else?"

"Noooo… wait, Cas? Cas, is that you?" "Dammit, Dean, what are you doing?! Why are you drunk?" "It's none of your business why I'm drunk." "I'd say it is when you call me, half out of your mind!" "Cas, just… forget it… sorry." "No, I'm not putting down this phone until you tell me what's going on with you. I care. And who is Cassie?"

"I don't have to tell you! You're always so nosy…. Always asking about shit you don't understand… couldn't begin to understand…" "Dean… what do you mean?" Cas asked quietly, feelings hurt just a little. "Fuckinggg questions… always 'why do you feel blah blah blah blah'. I don't friggin' know! I don't know everything! I don't know why my dad hated me 'cause I was gay, I don't know why I'm a bad son, I don't know why my mom's…"

He sobbed into the phone, and Cas exhaled. "It's okay… you don't have to tell me any more. Just calm down." "Don't tell me to calm down, Cas! Why don't you speak for yourself, huh? You're lecturing me like a god damn psychiatrist when you're the one with problems! You'd be dead if it weren't for your convict brother, now that's seeeeriously screwed up. Don't tell me," he swallowed more alcohol down, "To calm down."

"D-Dean," Cas mumbled, heart beating faster, "Please take that back." "Why? It's true… maybe all this was a mistake, getting together with you…" "Please take that back!" Cas repeated, tears threatening to spill over as his voice wavered. Dean swallowed thickly. He didn't mean any of this, but throwing insults felt satisfying, like he had a direction to throw his anger at everything.

"But you know what, Cas? I can't break up with you… cause if I did, you'd probably go try and kill yourself again… I don't want that on me." Cas started to cry, though he kept quiet. "Aaand you know somethin' else? I can't break up with you because you're blind, and I don't want you to think it's because I feel so, so sorry for you." "Dean, please stop-!" "You can't see me, Cas, but I can see how you need someone to take care of you." "Dean! Stop," Cas sobbed, crying into his floor. This was all like a bad dream.

"I gotta go… I've got… got to…." There was a muffled thump, and Cas assumed Dean had passed out. He sniffled, and ended the call, grabbing a pillow and crying into it. Last night had been so amazing. Why was all this happening now?! Something must have happened this morning… Dean would never act like this… no, Cas had had enough of relationships like these… but Dean just wasn't like the rest… he couldn't be… he couldn't be!

He rolled over, wishing the earth would just swallow him up. He didn't know what to do.

-0-0-0-

Dean's eyes fluttered open, and he felt like someone had been pounding on his head all night. Trying to sit up was even worse.

He tried to remember what happened last night, other than almost getting alcohol poisoning.

"Oh no," he whispered, blood draining from his face. Was it a dream? Please let it be a dream….

He checked his call history, and his heart sank when it showed that he had had a fourteen minute call with Cas at 11:15 PM. "No," Dean whimpered, "I didn't mean it, Cas… I'm so sorry."

-0-0-0-

He didn't have time to walk- he took the bus to get there faster. When it stopped just by Angel Hearts, he got out quickly, running in.

"Anna! Anna, where is he?" "Cas?" Anna asked, not lifting her eyes up. "Yeah!" "He doesn't want to see you." "But…" he tried to catch his breath, "But he's here?" "Yes, Dean, he's here." "Oh, thank god." Anna gave him a funny look, but went back to filing things.

"Can you give him a message for me? Please?" "I don't know-" "Please, Anna." "He'll probably throw it out, judging by the way he came in this morning. But yes, he left his phone out here, so you can record something for him. You can do whatever you want." Dean took a deep breath, taking the phone and setting it up.

"I'm not going to even attempt to apologize… not yet. Not until I can do it properly. Tell him I know he's mad, and I know he hates me for the things I said, but when he's ready… he should call me. Because I've got some very important things to tell him."

Anna nodded, taking the phone back, and put it beside her papers. "He'll get it when he's done work." "Thanks, Anna. I appreciate it." "Mhmm."

Dean sighed, and realizing that there wasn't going to be any more conversation, he left, hoping with everything he had Cas would read that letter.

A little bit later, when Cas did finish his class, Anna stopped him. "Are you okay?" "Yes. Music is extremely therapeutic," Cas laughed a little, wiping his eyes under his glasses. Anna put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I don't know what went on between you two… it's none of my business, but- Dean came in here about an hour ago, and he wanted you to hear this recording," she said, passing the phone with it open.

Cas tensed a little, and nodded. "Thank you Anna." She nodded as well, and sat back down, sighing. Cas picked up his things, and walked out toward the door, swiping his thumb across the screen and deleting the message.

-0-0-0-

It had been three days. Dean was driving himself insane, obsessing over his phone and waiting for Cas to call him. He was working at the diner when Bobby finally pulled him aside.

"Boy, what the hell's gotten into you?" "Hm?" "Don't 'hm?' me. You know just what I'm talking about." "Bobby, now's not a great-" "It is a damn great time, siddown!" Dean didn't argue with the surly man, and sat down at the nearest restaurant table.

"Now, you either tell me what's going on, or I'm going to fire you!" "Well, Bobby, give it to me straight, why don't you?" "Don't get smart with me, I mean it."

Dean looked off, pattering his fingers on the table. "Things aren't too great with me right now. My family- or what's left of it- well, they've been through a big blow recently… it's been pretty hard on me, to be honest. But that's not just what's bugging me… not right now, at least…" "What is it?" Bobby asked, still edgy but with a softer tone.

"My… boyfriend. I said some things to him, and now… he won't talk to me. I can't bear not hearing from him… I just can't help but think I ruined the one second chance I got at something meaningful." Bobby was quiet.

"I love him, Bobby! I do! And now, I screwed up so bad he won't even talk to me. I mean, I wouldn't talk to me either after the things I said, but I just want to hear his voice again." He broke down, and held his head in his hands.

"Dean," Bobby finally said, "Listen to me." Dean didn't look up, and Bobby tried again. "Chin up!" Dean jumped, and Bobby's face softened again. "Listen. You're a real idjit for hurting your boyfriend's feelings." Dean sniffed. "Thanks, Bobby. Tell me something I don't know." "Shut up and hear me out. Somethin' like that happened to me when I was younger." Dean looked inquisitive, so Bobby nodded.

"Yep. Believe it or not, I was in love once too. Her name was Karen. She was beautiful… could bake a pie like there's no tomorrow." Dean laughed. "She was the love of my life. But I did somethin' real stupid. It's not worth mentioning. But you wanna know where Karen is now, kid?" "Where?" "She's my wife."

Dean's eyes widened.

"I worked up the guts, eventually, to strip myself of all my vanity and pride, realizin' things like this don't come more than once in a lifetime. Then I showed her just how much I love her. That's what you gotta do. Show your boy how much he means to you- do everything you can."

Dean nodded, then looked at his boss. "Thanks, Bobby." "What is it? You look like you just discovered the cure for cancer." "Nothing… I just know what I'm gonna do."


	6. Chapter 6

-0-0-0-

That Sunday, Dean got a text from Sam.

Funeral in one week, cemetery just out of town. Can you make it?

….

I'll be there.

Dean inhaled sharply. He could do this. This was putting her to rest… he had to do this.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The funeral was hard to make it through, but Dean was driven by two things; forcing himself not to cry, because he had cried far too much for it to be manly in the past few weeks, and also by something he had to do after the burial.

He sat down afterward, by the newly packed dirt and the headstone that had his mother's name on it. It almost seemed surreal… he just wished he had Cas to lean on through it.

"Hey, mom. I hope you can hear me now, cause I really miss coming to see you. So does Sam. So I thought, maybe you can hear me like this.

I've got some things to say. I let my grief, from losing you, affect someone that I love and care a great deal about. He won't talk to me, and… it's the worst mistake I ever made. You know who I'm talking about, don't you? Cas? I told you about him, the first date we had. He really is perfect.

We've learned more about each other, mom, and I can tell you without a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with him." He looked up, smiling. "You always said that one day, I'd just know… well, I'm getting that feeling, mom. He makes me feel so… well, you don't need the sappy details, but the point is… I'm in love with him. And I gotta do something before that disappears… I'm gonna use the half of the money you left for me to do something right with my life."

He got up, and pulled his phone out, dialling a number he had written on his palm.

"Hello, private jet service? I'd like to book a flight for three days from now."

-0-0-0-

Cas sat at home, listening to the audiobook version of Lord of the Rings. It was quite captivating, but it kept reminding him of Dean, which is what eventually caused him to press pause, taking his headset off.

"I wish I never went walking that day," he said aloud, and it felt weird, because he knew it was a lie.

He felt his phone vibrate again in his pocket, and he switched it to silent, exasperation evident in his movement. He was not going to take Dean back like that, not after he had said those horrible things. He wasn't that easy, not as easy as he was with the others. Cas had trusted Dean with his deepest secrets and fears, and Dean had betrayed that trust. He couldn't easily forgive that.

Just then, he heard a knock at his door. He frowned. He never got visitors. Unless…

He balled his fists, getting up. "Dean, I cannot look through the peephole to ignore your visitation, so take this as an invitation to swiftly and competently get off my porch."

"Cas? It's, uh, me." Cas frowned again, and opened the door.

"Gabriel?"

As if he needed this right now. When he heard the nervous voice of his brother's, he immediately feared the worst, and the questions came pouring out of his mouth. "What is it? Do you need money? Are you in trouble? Are you hurt, did you overdose? Have you been arrested again?"

There was some silence, before Gabriel spoke up. "None of that. I came here because," he took a deep breath, "I've done some stuff. No, that's an understatement. I've screwed up my life. After everything, I set myself on a path of self destruction, and I almost succeeded. But I realized something, in these past few months. You made it through, after enduring so much more than I have. So why can't I? I don't have to hang around empty alleyways in the middle of the night, curing my daddy issues with a needle and some pills. I've got a little brother who's braver than I am, and that's what cleaned me up."

Castiel was shocked into silence. "C-cleaned you up? You mean to tell me-" "I'm clean, Cas. Have been for said few months. And I'm hear to give apologies, and make amends."

Cas was speechless. He never thought this day would come.

"Gabriel… I'm so happy for you… l-let me give you a hug." Gabriel helped Cas out by stepping closer, closing into his brother's outstretched arms. "It's good to see you again," the younger continued, "Come in."

They went in, and Gabriel whistled, chuckling. "Definitely looks better than the, er… last time I was here. Except, well, everything looks better to me now, 'cause I'm not high as a kite and wrecked out of my mind."

He picked up a tissue, and an empty tub of ice cream. "Love what you've done with the place. Breakup?" "Not exactly," Cas sighed, "But let's not talk about that. It's irrelevant." Gabriel shrugged, and sat down. "Yeah, so I checked myself into a rehab centre, and this is one of the steps they suggested."

He looked down.

"Look, Cas- I know I've hurt you pretty bad from what I did to myself in the past. But I was hoping we could kinda… rebuild that relationship from scratch. Start over." Cas gave a bittersweet smile. "Someone else said that to me… it didn't end well." Gabriel nodded. "But people can change."

And suddenly, Cas realized something. Gabriel was here, in front of him, apologizing. He had never in a million years thought this would be happening, yet… it was. Maybe people could change. Maybe… Dean could change.

"You're right…" Cas mumbled, "Gabriel, you're right."

When his brother had left, promising to visit again, he dialled Dean's number, stomach fluttering a little as he heard his ecstatic voice after what seemed like forever. "Cas!"

"Dean," Cas said, "I'm still very, very angry at you, and what you said still hurts me to this day. But I'm not going to deny you your chance to put the pieces back together. What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" "Cas, man, I'm so excited- pack a bag, and meet me at the park tomorrow at 8:00 AM."

Cas frowned. "Pardon me?!" "I know, it's crazy. But I'm willing to do a batshit crazy thing to let you know how much you mean to me." Cas was quiet, trying to think of what to do. "Please, just trust me on this. No questions, I've got it all figured out."

"O-okay," Cas said, giving up, "I'm stupidly talking to you again, so I might as well stupidly throw myself into whatever this is." "Great! See you then, Cas. Love you!" Cas didn't respond, not willing to give Dean that sentiment again just yet.

Dean hung up the phone, doing a little dance. He had tracked down where Gabriel was, which took a damn long time and lots of help from Sam, but when he found out that Gabriel had checked himself into a clinic, things got even better.

He had called Gabriel, explaining who he was, and told him to visit his brother. Not only would the visit give Cas hope, but it was setting up for the biggest surprise of Cas' life.

-0-0-0-

"Dean, what the hell is this-?" "It's a surprise, stop asking." "I demand to know why you're covering my eyes when I'm already blind." "Oh, sorry."

Suddenly, the bus pulled up. "Alright, let's go." "Where?!" "You'll see. No pun intended." Cas sighed, crossing his arms. "Dean-" "I hear one more word about where we're goin', I'll tape your mouth shut!"

The bus ride was pretty long, but they eventually came to their destination- a jet pad, where they would be flying from.

"I hear airplanes… Dean, I'm begging you- at least tell me something, I'm confused! You owe it to me, I shouldn't even be talking to you right now." "Okay… I'll tell you that you're right. We're at an airport, of sorts." "Going where?" "Shut up!" Cas growled a little, making Dean laugh. "You'll love it, trust me."

They got out with their luggage, and Dean carried Cas' for him. They boarded the small jet after going through some security, with nobody else on it, and Dean had made sure to tell the pilot not to announce their destination at any time during the flight.

"Good 'ol afternoon, y'all, I'm Garth Fitzgerald the IIII, and our flight will be 11 hours." "11 hours?!" Cas hissed to Dean, "Where are we going, Egypt?!" "No, siree, Egypt would be 13 hours," Garth grinned back, and they began take off.

Cas didn't talk to Dean much during the flight, as he was still on bad terms with him, but Dean was able to ease him back into conversation soon enough.

When they finally arrived the next day, Dean hailed a cab in some really terrible sounding French.

French?!

"Uhh, cez quelle j'ai peux prendrez unes taxi, sil vousa plaiz?" Cas giggled slightly, wanting to correct Dean with, 'sil vous plais,' and all the other pronouns he had gotten horribly wrong but he hadn't the slightest idea what was going on anyway, so he kept quiet.

They got in the cab, and Cas felt Dean's hand envelop his. Cas hesitated, then squeezed back. He could hear Dean's mumbles of, 'wow…' or 'holy crap, that's big…' Cas was still in suspense.

"Now you're just teasing me," Cas laughed softly. "We'll be there soon enough, don't worry," Dean grinned.

They arrived at an area Cas certainly didn't recognize, mapping it out with his walking stick. There was soft music being played by someone, Cas could tell it was coming from their right. "I still can't tell where we are," he said, and Dean snaked arms around him from behind.

"What would you say, if I told you you were looking up at the Eiffel Tower right now?" Cas' breath hitched, and his breathing stopped altogether for a second. "W-what?" "What would you say?" "I… I'd probably think you were joking." Dean hummed, and trailed his hands up and down Cas' torso. "I'm not joking." Cas gasped a little.

"That's right," Dean whispered in his ear, "We're in Paris, baby." Cas opened his mouth, but no words came out. "Shhh, you don't have to say anything. You just have to listen. Listen to me describe it. It's beautiful… absolutely breathtaking. If you could see it, man, you'd…" he laughed, kissing Cas' neck. "It's tall, too. It's real tall. Covered in beautiful lights… I can see some people too, I think there's a restaurant up there." "Le Jules Verne," Cas murmured, in awe. "Right…" Dean whispered.

"Dean," Cas started, "I don't know what… I don't know how to-" "I know this doesn't make up for what I did. Nothing will. But hopefully this might sway you a little away from thinking I'm a complete and total jerk."

There was a pause where Cas couldn't hear anything, and Dean smirked. "In case you don't know, I'm kneeling."

Cas brought a hand to his mouth, and Dean took the other one.

"Castiel Novak… I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I hurt you so bad I don't know even know if I can forgive myself. I was an idiot, and I don't know what got into me… my mom, she…" he sighed, and looked at Cas again, "She was in a coma. That's why I never talked about her- it was too hard for me. That morning, I got a call from my brother that she had um, passed away." Cas' facial features changed.

"I felt like the thing I cared most about in life had just been taken away from me… but then I realized, the thing I care most about is you. I love the hell out of you. And I want to keep loving you until you get sick of me." Cas bit down hard on his lip to keep from sniffling.

"I don't know what happened… one moment, I was eating breakfast… it was a damn good breakfast, but I digress- and the next, I see your stupid, perfect trench coat walk by the window. I was a goner from then on. I, um, understand if you say no," Dean went on, looking down, "I'll just wallow, and kick myself for ruining my chances with the one person I care most about. But if you say yes, I promise we can be happy forever. We'll wake up every morning wrapped in each other's arms, you'll keep getting wet dreams of me because I'll keep giving you the best nights of your life, every time like the first. Unless you want to get experimental," he grinned, and Cas giggled. "Bottom line: Cas? Will you marry me?"

"Dean… you're the only thing that keeps me sane in this crazy roller coaster I call my life. You have been since you stopped me on the sidewalk that day. So, in fear of going insane without you… I'm obligated to say… oui," Cas whispered, and Dean kissed his hand before positioning the ring. "That means yes, right?" "Dean, you take me to the French capital of the world, and you don't even know what yes sounds like here?" "Oh, excuse me if I spent most of my time worrying over what ring to buy you instead of studying Francais."

Cas laughed, and felt along the ring on his finger. "Oh, Dean… it's so beautiful… this is all beautiful- you're beautiful!" "I love you." "I love you too, Dean."

They hugged, and Dean kissed Cas, right in front of the Eiffel Tower, the place Cas had wanted to travel to for his whole life.

"Y'know," Dean said softly against Cas' lips, "When we get older, I could get really lazy and gross." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, 'cause you wouldn't be able to see what I looked like, so it doesn't matter, right? I can eat all the Cheetos and pie I want." "Not if I control your diet." "How can you control my diet when you probably mistake molasses for olive oil? Dude- I'm doing the cooking."

Cas broke into a grin. "I can't disagree with you there… but I have to keep the house in a very particular order, you can't move anything or I won't be able to find it." "Oh, I am going to have so much fun hiding the remote when you want to watch your shows and I want to watch sports!" "You wouldn't dare." "Oh yes, I would!" "I bet you don't even watch sports. I bet you binge watch Friends reruns." There was silence, and Dean grumbled, "I like Joey's hair, okay?"

Cas burst out laughing, then calmed himself down. "It's okay… it doesn't compare to my guilty pleasure." "Why, what is it?" "The Bachelor. I can't see what they look like, so it's fun to just hear how fake they sound." "That's friggin' horrible! I'm totally hiding the remote now. But I bet you can't top what I watch when I'm bored- Dr. Sexy. Oh, and the Three Stooges." "Ha! No way!" "It's the stupidest shit ever, but it makes me laugh harder than anything." "Well, we'll settle the remote thing when the time comes," Cas smiled, "Until then… let's focus on getting married."

"Getting married," Dean echoed, and beamed up at the sky, "We're getting married!" He turned, spinning Cas around. "Hey, everybody, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!"

A couple of people around them smiled and clapped, and Cas laughed as Dean dipped him and pulled him in for another kiss. "What's your favourite part of Paris, Cas?" he asked. "I don't know," Cas admitted, "I seem to be rather distracted. You see, I'm standing here, apparently in front of the Eiffel Tower, one of the most beautiful sights of the world in the city of love… but all I really see right now, is you, Dean."

Dean smiled, and kissed him, cherishing Cas' everything. It was so ironic… how a blind person could be the one to teach Dean how to open his eyes and truly see.


End file.
